Sea World

Desert Flower sent a reminder to the playgroup today about our upcoming trip to Sea World. Now I'm soooo excited and can't wait til October! Just a little over a month away. Woo hoo! Princess is going to LOVE it! I hadn't forgotten about it, but it wasn't really on my mind and now I'm all ready and wishing it was gonna be sooner!

Smart Girl!

My little smarty! We were all playing in Princess's room and while Sailor was playing with Naala, Princess starts to play with the pocket that his wallet was in (his pocket has a flap on it, so she was playing with the flap). He starts to turn around and she immediately turns and points at the lizard on the window and says "Sissard". LOL She's already reaching for his wallet and trying to play innocent.

In other news, I'm now Mommy. I'm not sure how I feel about it, I like Mama. She still calls me Mama when she wants to get my attention, but lately she's been calling me Mommy alot.

And totally unrelated, I got my first CTMH order in yesterday! I absolutely LOVE my rolling carryall! I'm so excited! I also got some stamp pads (finally!), the block organizer, and the stamp scrubber (YES!). Now I just need to order some pictures and go to a crop! I'm so excited about my stuff, and I'm so excited about placing my first order. I've more than doubled my goal for sales in August.

Coffee Night

Last night was Coffee Night. We went to a new place (well, new for us), Sweet Indulgence. The coffee was a bit strong, but I found out that they just switched coffees, so they're still adjusting, they had us test a sample because they've been getting alot of complaints about it being too strong. I really wanted dessert, but after eating dinner and drinking my huge coffee, I was stuffed! I'll have to go back another time. Jaws, Desert Flower, LadyBug, Diane, and Wendy were all there. We had fun, as usual! The weather was pretty yucky, though, it rained all night! Today is the mall playdate, I'm hoping it's not rainy today, too.

Bedtime

Naala

My poor Naala is hurting! We went to the store yesterday and when we got home, Naala was limping. I don't know what's wrong with her, but she didn't even go potty last night before bed and I don't think she went this morning, either. She's hurting too much to put any pressure on it at all, so she's scared to go potty! I feel soooo bad for her. Sailor took the car today (even though I asked him not to). He was planning on trying to come home early, but he still should've left it so I could take her if he couldn't get off early. He has a reenlistment today at 10 for one of the guys he works with, so he won't be able to come home til after that. Hopefully it'll be a short reenlistment (I know it's not a big one, so it should be quick) and he can come home and take her to the vet. Even if I did have the car, it'd be kinda hard to take Naala and Princess to the vet by myself.

Busy Weekend

Yesterday, I cleaned the bathroom, did the dishes, and spread some weed n feed on the back yard. Then, Sailor's Dad came over and brought us a pool and swingset, so we all set up the swingset and then Sailor and Lawnboy set up the pool. Today...me, Sailor, and Lawnboy fixed the fence and then Sailor filled up the pool and him and Lawnboy cleaned the pool some more and then put a walkway to the ladder and a little area for shoes and stuff. Our yard is finally coming together!

My Anniversary!

Yesterday was mine and Sailor's 4th Anniversary! He had to work, and was pretty bummed out about it, but I understood. So, I was just gonna lay around and do some laundry. Shortly after breakfast, he surprised me and came home! So, he took a nap and I took care of Princess, and then when she took a nap, we cuddled up on the couch and watched tv, then played Final Fantasy together. After that, everyone got showers and then we dropped Princess off. Jaws babysat her while me and Sailor went out to dinner. We went to an Italian Restaurant. It was pretty good, the atmosphere was really nice, Sailor loved his meal, and I loved the feel of the place. But, I didn't care for my food too much. The atmosphere was definitely nicer than the place we went to for my birthday, but I liked the food better at the other place. Oh well, we still had a nice evening. After that, we went to Wal-Mart to get some movies. Then we came home, I dropped Sailor off so he could set the VCR up (we took everything off of the shelf so that we could paint it, so it was in a box), and I went to pick up Princess. We got home and Sailor put Princess to bed and then we cuddled up on the couch and watched 50 First Dates. It was so cute! I cried. LOL I'm such a baby, I cry at everything. We had a wonderful anniversary, and next year's will be even better!

I Was Wrong!

I thought I was handling the miscarriage well, and for the most part, I am, but I still have bad moments. I just sometimes feel miserable and like I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep all day. I feel so guilty for feeling that way, too. Sometimes, I just really need a break, and I feel like a bad Mom and wife for needing so many breaks. I want a job. Not just so that I can earn money (although that is the main reason), but also so I can get out of the house more. I just need some time away. I feel so terrible. I'm supposed to want to spend every minute with Princess, and until recently, I have. We've gotten a babysitter once so far. Just once. And it was Jaws. And she's babysitting again this week for our anniversary. The first time she babysat, it was so that we could go to a work Christmas party. This'll be our first actual night out and alone. I just have never felt the desire to do anything without Princess. But now, I love spending time with her, I just need some time without her, also. I refuse to use daycare, I just don't trust it. I've heard too many horror stories to even consider it. I want to get a job working evenings so that Sailor can watch her while I work. But, that means that we won't have much family time anymore, and when I want to go out for Mom's Nights Out and stuff, I'll feel really guilty. I think it's time to call that therapist. LOL I figured I'd need to, so I got the info, but haven't called yet because I've been feeling fine. I knew it'd hit me, just didn't know when. I even felt fine this afternoon. It was starting to get to me before I went to Books-A-Million with Jaws, but once I got out, I was distracted by shopping and coffee and books and magazines, but now I'm home.

LAZY

Why am I sooo lazy? I made up a list of chores and put a couple small things on each day's schedule. Yesterday, all I had to do was load the dishwasher, wipe the kitchen counters, and wash, dry, and fold 1 load of laundry. What did I do? I went to a playdate. Last night, I managed to empty the dishwasher and load most of the dishes, but then got tired of doing dishes, so I watched tv. I even had the tv on while I was doing the dishes. And Sailor was in the living room so I wasn't so loney (the kitchen faces the living room and you can see the tv from the sink and dishwasher). But I still couldn't finish them. So today I have to make up for that and do today's chores, which is empty the dishes (that I still haven't finished loading) and clean the bathrooms. One day, I will have a live-in maid and will be allowed to be as lazy as I want. LOL

My Weekend

I got 3 pages done at the crop last night, not too bad. I had time to do plenty more, but just lost my motivation. I was just in such a blah mood. Today was a much better day, though. Sailor's dad came up and brought us a couch. It's pretty nasty looking, needs a good shampoo, but it's so much more comfortable than our old one (it was Sailor's brother's couch but he moved so left it for us). It's a sectional with 2 recliners and a queen size pull out sofa in it. I'll be happy when we get it all cleaned up and can start spending time in the living room again! He also brought some stuff for Princess, from Sailor's brother. She got a Disney Princess double stroller for her baby dolls (she LOVES it!), a Bambi music box, a folding chair, and a leapard print mini sleeping bag with a leapord that velcros to the top for a pillow. He's gonna come back next week to bring us a swingset, a pool, and a new a/c unit for the house. After he left, we all ate lunch and took a nap! Tonight was our monthly Mom's Night In, but it was also a Surprise Birthday Party for Java Mama, at Desert Flower's house. We all had fun surprising her and spending time together. Families were allowed at this one, but I left mine home. Princess goes to bed at 8 every night and she gets pretty cranky if she's up much later than that. I felt really bad leaving Sailor and Princess 3 nights in a row, but I've promised not to go out next weekend. Part of me is ready to move (we're due to move next year), but I love my friends and I don't wanna leave em!

Coffee!

Last night was coffee night. The scheduled place closed too early, so we went to Books-a-Million. I was looking forward to trying a new place, but I do LOVE Books-a-Million! I decided to try a Lite Mocha Frappe this time. It was okay. It definitely tasted lighter and fluffier, but it wasn't sweet enough. Jaws didn't like it, but I found that when I sucked it down really fast, I couldn't really taste the difference. I might try it again. It's only 1 gram of fat. I don't know what the regular Mocha Frappe is, but 1 gram sounds pretty good. The only problem I have with it is it has artificial sweetener in it. I don't like fake sugar, I just don't trust it. It's Splenda, so I guess that's better for you than the other artificial sweeteners, but I still am not sure about it. It doesn't have that awful aftertaste that other sweeteners have, so that's good. Java Mama and Kate joined us this time, we all had fun talking and laughing. Tonight is another crop night. I'm not 100% sure I feel up to it, but I already paid, so I'm gonna go and hopefully get a month of pictures done. It's a pretty big month, though, it's all of Princess's first haircut pictures. I'll need to order some more pics soon, this is my last month of pics that I have printed.

I'm okay.

I'm not sure if it's really hit me yet. When I first found out, I was upset. I felt cheated. It's happened 3 times now and it's just not fair. I'm such a good mom and it's not fair that I keep losing my babies when women that don't want kids and do drugs while pregnant get to keep theirs. It just doesn't make sense. Why am I getting punished? That's how I felt at first. And part of me still does. But since I'm pretty sure that it's my body that's causing it, I'm focusing more on that. I'm hoping the doctor will listen to me and be able to help me. I'm hoping it's something simple, like a pill or shot, that can prevent this in the future. It still blows my mind that I've been pregnant 4 times and only have 1 child. Weird. I want 4 kids, so unless I end up having multiples, I'll be pregnant a total of about 7 times when I'm done. That just seems like a lot to me. It's really weird but this one is the hardest one for me because I have to face that it's something wrong and not just birth control or whatever else causing it. But at the same time, so far, I'm handling it the best of all of them. And Sailor's actually sharing his feelings with this one. With the others he was just really quiet. I don't need quiet. I don't need strong. I need to know that he's with me on this and that he's just as frustrated and sad and pissed off as I am. It helps me heal to know that I'm not doing it alone.

Update

I went today to take another blood test and my HCG went down. I'm going to be seeing someone in a month to find out why I keep having miscarriages, but I've been instructed not to get pregnant before then. Me and Sailor are very disappointed and not handling this one well. With the first one, it was hard, but miscarriages are pretty common and most women have one at some point, so we dealt with it. With the second one, it was just as hard, but we knew we got pregnant with Princess right after the 1st one, so we just hoped that we'd get pregnant again right away. This time, it's the hardest. This time we have to deal with wondering what's wrong with me. I want to just curl up in bed and just stay there til my next doctor's appt. I was planning on telling the family today in an email. I send out an email to family once a month to update everyone on Princess. Since she was born on the 9th, I send the update every month on the 9th. I think this one'll probably be a little late, I haven't even typed it up yet. But, I was planning on putting that Princess is going to be a big sister in the update. I'm going to be calling tomorrow to see if I can get an appt with a therapist.

My Trip to the ER

Sunday morning I woke up bleeding, so went to the hospital to find out what's going on. My first thought, of course, is that I'm having another miscarriage. I'm upset and trying my best to stay calm, but it's not easy. I get an exam and the Dr. says that everything looks fine and there's no reason to believe that I had a miscarriage, it's possible, but the exam shows that I probably did not. We get the blood results and my HCG is REALLY low, but I'm only 4 weeks along, so low is kinda normal. We won't know anything until I get another blood test Tuesday afternoon. Until then, I have to take it easy. I can't clean the house, carry Princess, exercise, or do pretty much anything. It sucks. I need to clean, it's not like the house is gonna clean itself, and Sailor's not jumping to help out. So now I'm home alone, with a toddler, trying to relax. Right! I'm so frustrated. I can't have another m/c, I just can't handle it. I'm not 100% over my depression from the last one, I just can't do it. I'm trying to think positive, but the wait is killing me. I just wanna know. I don't wanna get my hopes up and then get hit even harder if it turns out to be a m/c, but I also don't want to stress out and make it worse. I wonder if I'll ever have another normal, healthy pregnancy.

Crop Night

Last Night was our August Crop with Jax-Park Scrappers! I got 2 pages done. I was in a mood all day yesterday. I just hate cleaning, and I had to mop the kitchen floor, and was just in a crappy mood. I was NOT in the mood to go out or do anything, but I went and had fun. I need to get caught up on Princess's scrapbook before the baby gets here. I just started scrapbooking 2 1/2 months ago and already have Jan-July 2004 done! I'll be going to another crop next Friday night so hopefully I can get August 2004 done then (there are alot of pictures for that month, so we'll see). I'm still pretty moody today, but it's getting better. We're going out tonight to celebrate the pregnancy. We still haven't decided where to go. In other news...Princess started counting! She'll be 19 months old in a few days and she's counting! I'm still in shock. We were all laying around on the bed, talking about where to go for dinner, and she said 5, 6. I was like fries at 6? What? And Sailor said he thinks she's saying 5, 6. So I said 7 and she said 8, I said 9, she said 10. Ummm, we haven't even started working on ANY numbers yet, not even 1, 2, 3, and she knows up to 10?! So I said 1 and she said 2, I said 3, she didn't say anything, I said 4 and she said 5. I can't believe she's learning her numbers! She amazes me, she's so smart.

How Sinful Are You?

Your Deadly Sins

Gluttony: 80%

Sloth: 80%

Envy: 60%

Greed: 40%

Wrath: 40%

Lust: 20%

Pride: 20%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 49%

You'll die from food poisoning - and then the natives will feast on your fatty limbs.

How Sinful Are You?

Good News!

Yesterday I went and took a blood test (remember that Ovulation test I used a couple weeks ago?). I called this morning and it was POSITIVE! Woo Hoo! I get to join all my friends and be preggo again! I'm so excited! I took our infant carseat and put it in the car and took a babydoll and an old onesie and wrote Baby April '06 on it. I drove up to Sailor's work and he came with me to take Princess to the Hospital (nothing's wrong, she just had a fever). So, he gets in the car and says something about Princess's baby being in the car seat and asks what the shirt says. I tell him to read it and he says "You're pregnant again!". I knew I was. I felt pregnant all last weekend. Just a feeling in my tummy, just felt stuff happening and just knew I was pregnant. But, he's one of those "wait til the doctor tells you" people. He doesn't trust a home pregnancy test, so I didn't bother wasting the money on one. He doesn't trust my instincts (he just doesn't want me to get my hopes up again), he doesn't want to get excited til the doctor actually confirms it. In fact, when I got pregnant with Princess, I had just had a miscarriage and didn't think it was possible to get pregnant so soon (I got pregnant 2 weeks after the miscarriage, the doctor told me it'd take 1-3 months to get on a cycle). So, several months later (5 calendar months to be exact), I find out I'm pregnant. I was actually asked by 2 people if I was pregnant and was very insulted and hurt. A couple days later, I get out of the shower, look in the mirror, and notice that my tummy is no longer fat and flabby...it's hard and round. Umm, I look pregnant. Hmmm. (A few weeks after I got pregnant, I had a brief Am I pregnant moment, but shrugged it off cuz I didn't think it was possible.) Interesting. I happened to have a test laying around, that was leftover from the first pregnancy, so I use it. It's positive, of course. I call Sailor, freaking out, and tell him. He says, "wait til the doctor confirms it." Are you kidding me? I'm 5 1/2 months pregnant! I had my m/c at the end of March 2003, got pregnant two weeks later, in April, and took the test in the beginning of September. A couple hours later, Princess starts kicking. I think it's safe to say, I'm pregnant. LOL So, me and my mom went shopping for maternity clothes...the same day that I found out that I was pregnant. Weird, huh? No one ever believes me, but I seriously just thought I was getting fatter. Anyway, here I am, fourth pregnancy. I have a feeling that this one will make it.

How true!

You Are a Frappacino

At your best, you are: fun loving, sweet, and modern At your worst, you are: childish and over indulgent You drink coffee when: you're craving something sweet Your caffeine addiction level: low

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

Laundry!

I have no clean jeans. So last night, before going to bed, I put in a load of jeans. I get up this morning, and go to take the clothes out of the dryer (I washed and dried them last Friday just never took them out), and they're wet! Not only are they wet, they stink! How in the hell did that happen? I swear I dried them, why else would they be in the dryer? So I dry them again, and hope that I'm imagining the smell. I go back out, the dryer is done, and the clothes are still wet and stinky. How is this possible? So I take them out, put the jeans in the dryer, and put the clothes back in the washer. I was planning on already having a shower by now so that I could start my day at a decent time. Guess that's not happening, I have to wait for clothes now.

Monday Night Coffee

Me and Jaws went out for coffee last night. We walked around the mall and Jaws got a pretty good deal at The Children's Place, then we went to Books-a-Million, read People Magazine and enjoyed our Mocha Frappes. After that, we went to Wal-Mart where I did my grocery shopping and Jaws got some more cute shirts for Dominator. Jaws and Dominator are coming over today for a playdate, since I am stuck at home, as usual. Hopefully Sailor will get the tire fixed on the bike today so that I'll have the car when I want to go somewhere. I'm also wanting to get a 2nd carseat for the days that I don't have the car.

Job Update/Vent

I'm so frustrated and confused. I applied for this job at the end of June. I got my first interview in the beginning of July, then my second interview a week later. At my second interview, I filled out all the paperwork, the W-2, the direct deposit info, etc. I was told that I'd be called back the following week to set up my drug test and physical. I didn't get called back, so I finally called them and went in for the tests. Everything went fine, I was told that I'd be getting a call after the results came in and then I'd be able to start working. They said the results normally take about 2 business days. Since it was a Thursday, I waited til the middle of the following week to call them back. They said that my application was at corporate being reviewed. What?! Why is my application being reviewed when I already have the job? I thought I was just waiting for my drug test results (which of course are negative, I don't do drugs!). I called back today cuz I still hadn't heard from them and was told to call Human Resources. They quickly gave me the number and hung up. I called Human Resources and left a message. If I already have the job, and all I need is a uniform and start date, then what is taking so long? Why am I now not even sure if I have the job?