So Sad

My fingers have been swelling off and on lately...fine in the mornings, swollen at night. Last week I finally had to take my ring off because it was irritating my skin when I was swollen. My finger hasn't healed yet, and everytime I look at it, I'm so sad. I needed my wedding ring on my finger. Now I just feel empty. I'm really trying to be independant while he's gone, but there's so many things that I just can't do by myself. I hate feeling so helpless. I also have no way of contacting him. He can call me when he needs to, but I haven't been able to figure out how to call him. I refuse to just sit around and hope that he'll get online, but we do make plans to be online together and I'm getting sick of being stood up. Sometimes he'll fall asleep after work and not wake up in time to get online and talk to me, or something else will come up. Either way, I'm tired of feeling like he has all the control here. Whether intentionally or not, I'm basically forced to wait around on him to email, im, or call me. I'm having an exceptionally BAD day today. I attempted to put together a computer armoire by myself. There wasn't really anyone around to help me and I really thought I could do it myself. I usually do these types of things, but Sailor's always around if I need help. Well, I broke two pieces. So now I have to wait for the replacement parts to come in before I get a desk. I needed to talk to Sailor to calm myself down, but I tried to call and I can't get it to work. I just feel stupid and incompetent today, nothing's working right and I wish I could just go to bed and stay there all day.

I'll have a more positive update on my life when I'm having a better day.

ETA: I talked to Sailor and he had given me the wrong number. He didn't know his number when he first got his phone, so he asked someone else and they told him the wrong number. So, I'm not a complete idiot, I just had the wrong damn number. I am feeling better after talking to him, though.