Up and Down

I'm so moody lately! I really thought I'd be happier to be finally getting the results (any day now) to all my testing, but I'm kinda dreading it. I just feel like once I get the results I'll be forced to make a decision on when to start trying. I know that's not the case, no one is forcing me...well, except myself. I haven't talked to Sailor yet about what we're going to do. Things are so up in the air right now with his job and we have no idea where we'll be in a few months. I'm just so bummed that I can't just relax and not think about it and let it happen. I know what the results of my testing are gonna say...I need to take progesterone in order to keep a pregnancy. I really have no doubt about that. I obviously don't want to take the stuff if I'm not actively trying to get pregnant, but we've always had a more relaxed approach at "trying". I've always tried to keep track of my cycle, but that's really hard with it being so irregular. And I'm dreading the waiting to find out if it worked and getting depressed if it didn't. I just sometimes wonder if it wouldn't be best to just stick with the one we have and not worry about it. But Sailor wants a son and in my heart, I do want more than 1 kid...it's just hard to push myself to go through all that I have to go through to get it. I know some have to go through much more, and I feel bad for being depressed about my situation when I know that it could be worse. I have such a busy week this week and I feel like just staying home and not doing anything. Too late for that now, though, I've already committed to stuff.